My holy shit, come to jesus moment!

I often hear of people talking about that moment in their life that they were like this is it. I never thought I would ever have that moment. Look I've done weight watchers like 5-6 times before. One year I paid for an entire YEAR of weight watchers and only used it for maybe like 3 months. Yah, that sooo happened! It was right after I had Kaity and was cleared to workout again. My husband took those dreaded "before" pictures. I know the drill. I know how my brain works. I know that after about 4-6 weeks of doing this the scale will be up and down, it'll never be consistent. I'll never get the 100+ pounds off I need too. I never ever before this time had a real AHH HAAA moment.

I watch tons of you tubers and their fitness journeys. One post said unless you have that realization within yourself, the timing just isn't perfect and more than likely you will fail. I didn't even realize that I had, had my ahh hhaa moment this go around until I heard him say that. Now I firmly believe that shit. Full heartedly. If you haven't had your "come to Jesus" moment, it's probably not going to last. You wont be full committed, sure you'll track your points, you'll drink your water, you'll lose one week, and then gain the next. I was the same way every time before this one. I always dreamed of being thinner like my cousins.

So I have a sister (Courtney), a sister in law (Holly), my mom (Laura/Momma Marcotte), my wonderful auntie (Nic), and two cousins (Megan & Shelby). I grew up super close for most of my childhood to Megan and Shelby. I of course am like 6 years older than Shelby who turned 21 this past December. Almost every summer for the past like 4-5 years I'd either go to my Aunt Nics and stay with them for a week or Megan would come stay with us for a week. I love these two as if they were my own sisters. All of them, every single one of the 6 of them are all much thinner than me.(Girls, I mean this in a nice way, not a bitchy way!) They are all so incredibly beautiful. Seriously!! I may or may not be a tad bit envious that they are all so beautiful and thin and just ahh why can't I have that? Well, now I know I can. I just need to work my ass off to get that way!

So that brings me to my holy shit moment!!

Shelby recently got married to an amazing guy Mr.Nick (that's what Kaity calls him). The wedding was in December, of course I went the awful long tip of a whole 8 hours home to be there. Like you really thought I'd miss that good ol' time? Hell no! It was a beautiful wedding, she was one of the most beautiful brides I've ever seen. If you've been around a "serious" situation in my family we are all so FUCKING emotional. I bawled, she walked in with her step dad and dad and ahh girl looked on fucking fleek...(Did I use fleek right?)...

Of course every wedding has a reception and dance. My sister, Courtney wanted to take a picture with my mom, aunt Nic, myself and her.

This is the picture that changed my life forever!

L-R (Me, my momma, my auntie, my sister)

You see when I saw this picture that night, I was forever changed. It was my holy shit, Brittanie what the hell has happened moment. Before then I had no moment, I had no idea why every time before I was trying to lose the weight. I had never before this day 12/17 been like if I don't change now in a few years how much worse is it going to get? It has taken me 8 years to go from probably 160-278.5 what I more than likely weighed in this picture. It 100% disgust me. This picture is the one picture I wish I could erase from the internet and never see, but then again in a few months when Megan gets married I know I won't look like that anymore and I can finally be proud as FUCK of myself. It took me YEARSSS to gain 100+ pounds so even if it takes me a few more years to lose it I know this time, I'm in for the long haul. This time there is no yo-yoing this time.

I'm a firm believer that if you want your cake on a diet, girl eat that shit! If you don't you're going to binge, binging leads to other bad shit, other bad shit leads to the scale going up, the scale going up leads us to not believing in ourselves and leads up to giving up. This time unlike every other time, everything in moderation. I want pizza? I'm eating it. I want cake? I'm eating it too. I want them both in the same day? I'm doing it, just good bye weeklies and hello strict ass for the next week! My holy shit, come to Jesus moment has taught me a lot this time around. Like FUCK the scale, it only tells me a number, sometimes that number is a bitch!

In a few weeks I'm actually getting ready to go home for a couple weeks with both my babes. It's a little over a month away and I've already slightly started panicking. This time around though EVERYONE and their dog knows I'm doing weight watchers and that I'm kicking some MAJOR booty! So that's a plus, however the closest Walmart to my moms house is like 45 minutes away and while my mom does have gym equipment at her house there is no "YMCA". So that has me nervous, they do have a rec center in my parents town but I believe it is kind of pricey to go there just every day and if I'm home for 2+ weeks paying $10 a day doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

L-R (Megan, Shelby, Aunt Nic, Momma Marcotte, Courtney, Myself) Holly lives in Hawaii, booo!

So what was you Ahh haaa moment? Did you have one? Do you think you need one to really make this work? Whatever it is I hope it's helped to push your ass harder and harder every single day of your journey! I hope your killing your goals!!

Happy Saturday, Y'all!!