Guess whos TWO,2,TO,TOOOOOO

Let me just start off by saying super sorry, no not really about all the cuteness overload your about to receive! If you don't like adorable blonde hair blue eyed little guys just go ahead and click away now, otherwise control your self ladies he is a handsome little fella!!!

When we got pregnant with our last child it was a total surprise. It took us a while to conceive Kaitlynn, so we just assumed the same would be with Gavin so we never prevented getting pregnant after we had Kaity. The spring/summer before we found out we were expecting I had been on weight watchers for about 6-8 months and had lost 40-45 pounds. I actually am pretty sure I got pregnant the weekend after I ran my first ever 5K with my family. His pregnancy was a HUGE surprise to me and I wasn't even sure we were ready to have another baby, but I'm so incredibly thankful God gave him to us.

Thanksgiving in 2013 my parents came up because Eric and I decided to host Thanksgiving for a few friends who weren't going home (Military families). We had a cake made to find out what he was going to be. This was going to be our last child so we wanted to do something special. We timed it just right that we could call my brothers family in Hawaii & my grandparents house where all my other family was at the same time to cut into our cake and see if we would be welcome another little girl Izabella Nicole or if we were in for a whole new world with a Gavin Matthew. I was #teampink, Eric was #teamblue..I was so surprised when we cut into that cake!!

I was due with Gavin Matthew on April 14th, however due to a C-section with Kaitlynn and wanting my parents and favorite cousin here with me to welcome Gav into the world we would schedule my csection for April 7th at 11am. Eric was a recruiter who would go out of town a lot and my parents live over 8 hours away so I wanted to make sure it wasn't KT and I in this alone! 2 days before I was set to go in for my csection my parents arrived with my cousin Megan to spend time getting all the finishing touches for Gavin and just spending time together and spoiling out Kaity for the last few days as our only babes!

My last pregnant picture EVER, 39 weeks pregnant I gave birth the very next day!

The day arrived for me to have Gavin and it was nothing like when I had Kaity. I woke up at like 8am, got ready to go, got our bags in the car, gave Kaity a million hugs and kisses and left her with my parents. I got into the car and bawled like a baby. I couldn't believe in just a few short hours we would officially be a family of 4 and our lives would forever be complete. When we got there they got us into our room, hooked me up, signed a crap ton of papers, drew blood, all those awesome things they do! My parents, Megan and Kaity arrived a hour or so later to see us one last time before going back. We meet with my doctor and the anesthesiologist who both agreed my mom could go back with us for the birth. At 11 am they took me back by myself to get my prepped and then they would bring Eric and my mom in a little later. I was so nervous but it was so calm. Unlike Kaitlynn's birth were we thought I was going to have to be put to sleep it was so normal. They gave me the epi and I went super numb super quick so quick I got extremely sick to my stomach and thought I was going to vomit. Thankfully the awesome anesthesiologist hooked a girl up with some medicine! I believe it was like 11:21 AM they started my csection and a mere 7 minutes later I heard the most amazing noise ever. Our baby boy was out into the world and screaming his lungs off.

He was 7 pounds 14 ounces, 20.5 inches long born at exacty 11:28AM and had the most amazing baby hair EVER!! I was determined to breastfeed him until at least 1 and I'm happy to say we made it to 17 1/2 months before I was so incredibly over it! I think that's why Gav and I have the strong bond we do. The kid wont go to sleep unless he can have his arm down your shirt! We are almost 2 and still drink from a bottle and really momma don't even care! Unlike with Kaitlynn when he's ready I'm ready. Gavin is the most chill kid ever, he listens so well (1,2,3 do wonders for him), he cleans up when you tell him to pickup his toys. He does have part of his mommas sassiness but such is life when I'm his momma! He has the most amazing blue eyes ever, he's a GIANT flirt ball, he refers to himself as bubba in pictures. Everyone is dada to him (yes including me!) He eats nothing but hotdog, chips, popcorn and drinks anything he can get his hands on but drink of choice is milk! He so perfect, I know all moms are bias but seriously god did good with this one! He has the right amount of sass to his daddys personality in him that makes him perfect. We were truly blessed when we brought Gman into this world!

So Gman your now 2, you already give me a heart attack on the daily because you climb on everything! I know it's not going to slow down with you anytime soon and I'm 110% completely okay with that!! We love you so so so so so so so so so much bubba. Your the last piece to our puzzle and you fit perfectly!!

Happy 2nd Birthday fat fat, don't get to big to fast, you might scare sissy!!

Staying on Track...

So I'm not a perfect weight watcher person. Of course we all have our moments, mine are often due to lack of judgement and deciding to do something last second without planning. It all comes down to planning doesn't it? April 1st I decided to join a hashtag on Instagram that is #nocheatmealapril. To me a cheat meal means going crazy not counting a single point and just going complete crazy on food. I'm talking like Cinnabon for breakfast, Pizza for lunch, Burgers from Zombie burger for dinner, and some ice cream kind of crazy. So basically I've decided for the next 3 weeks of April plus the week that is almost over I will stay on track and count every single point.

My adorable baby boys 2nd birthday is tomorrow (come back then to read his story!) and he's not a huge food eater at all. He rather drink milk 24/7, eat hotdogs or eat chips...So we've been trying to decide what his favorite food is and take him somewhere to eat for dinner. Well this morning we still hadn't picked a spot and I was getting annoyed because I need to plan my day around that meal we will eat. We finally picked a place, a hotdog place. I don't like hotdogs much in less grilled on the grill and even then ehh...So I pulled up their menu and guess what!!! They have grilled chicken, so it's a win win take our fat fat out to eat and I get to stay on track! I'm hoping for an awesome loss this week so I have no room to fuck around!!

So that brings me to...

Do y'all have any reminders around your home that keep you on track? I know I do! If I didn't have them I probably wouldn't stay on track because they scream in my face every time I walk into my kitchen!!

My 1st one is this awesome board I created for all the pounds I've lost! I want to lose at least 108 pounds but I'm shooting more for the like 120-125 range! What is better than get to see those numbers drop week by week? Just a few more pounds and I will be a third of the way done with this board and to me that is a huge motivator!! This one is a bit big for my kitchen so normally is either in my bathroom or on my night stand next to my bed. Hell if it was acceptable and I felt like covering holes in my walls when we move in a few months I'd stick that BITCH in the middle of the wall in my living room!

My 2nd one is one y'all see floating around pinterest often! Its in my kitchen on the counter where all the snack are held...You can't honestly look at them then decided to still binge eat so hey whatever works for me right?

Now lets chat about something that annoys me. First let me say I know we are our own worst, worst critic. I know this, I don't need you to tell me this! So when I get out of the shower/bath etc, I swear I stare at myself for like 20 minutes and wonder what on my body has changed. I have a lot of weight I need to get off I already know that but I've lost 31+ pounds already and I feel like I can't see it gone from ANYWHERE. God love my mother she always tells me she can see it, in my face! She's the best ever! But to me the one who looks at this body every day I feel like I don't see it coming from ANYWHERE. ANYWHERE! AT ALL. I take measurements' and let me just say I've lost an assload of inches from my body! Yes that feels amazing to see that number go down combined with the weight on the scale but I want to see my body change. I don't care if I weigh 200 pounds for the rest of my life as long as my stomach is gone. I can deal with my big ass hips and thighs but I struggle so much with this mommy belly I have. I know I've done this to myself but it drives me up the wall. Comparing pictures "before" and "now" is sort of a double edge sword to me because if I don't see a noticeable change I'm just even more annoyed! So I try to limit how much I take them otherwise I will just obsess about them!

So today I decided to compare a picture I took on 2/3 and I weighed 261.7 pounds. So 9 weeks between these two pictures and 15.7 pound difference.

Left is today & Right is 2/3.

The shirt is the exact same shirt the only difference is in the left picture I just washed and dried the shirt and the right picture I had worn to bed for a few days before this picture so it was "worn in". Things like this make me push! Not the number on the scale to see my shirts looser and know that soon I'll be able to fit into a smaller size tshirt is so exciting to me. I wish I wore jeans or had a pair that I wore before this because I know for sure no way they would fit me. The shorts in the right picture I put on a few nights ago for bed and they were so big I couldn't wear them to bed I would of woke up with no shorts on.

Progression pictures and measurments will save you on the days you don't feel like the scale is moving or you just feel icky. Do it you'll be happy you did!!

Weigh-in Sunday, week 14.

Hello beautiful readers!!! It's going to be a gorgeous day here in Iowa today, like 73-74ish is what they are predicting and to say I'm excited is a damn understatement! That means my crazy children are running outside and playing while I finish up my last two mermaid tail blankets that need to go out tomorrow!

But that's obviously not why you've come here! You've come to see my weigh-in on this beautiful day!!

Before we get there though we need to throw it back, if you haven't been reading my blogs you'll need to go catch yourself up on Weigh-in Week 11. I really really struggled that weekend and before Eric left for an out of town work trip he hid the scale from me. So I didn't weigh myself on week 12 because I knew I was up. I could barely get my rings off my hands that Sunday AM and that never happens anymore so no way I was going to have straight disappointment, so I just skipped the scale. I have no idea how much I gained in week 12, but I know it wasn't pretty!

So with this weeks loss of 3.3 pounds plus whatever I put on in week 12, this brings my total weight loss to a total of 31 pounds! In 14 weeks I'm pretty happy with that, it's an average of about 2.2 pounds a week! At the start of my journey, like the last time I started this journey I decided to make a weight loss board. The more motivation around my house I have the more likely I am to keep this journey up for the LONG haul. So I did a weight loss board and I did the jars in my kitchen. I keep my board next to my bed so I see it every night and keep a nice reminder of why I'm doing this right there next to my bed!

There are a few dates on there of goals I'd like to hit before that date to make sure I stay on track with weighing in at 199ish by 11/24! So since I hit my 30 pounds down mark I finally get to wear this bad boy since it been here for over a week now!!

 I'm currently working super hard on those booty gains, and getting my forever ASS! So this shirt was perfect when I think my sister in law tagged me in it, I had to have it!!

One last thing before I go, I've unofficially named EVERY SINGLE FRIDAY in April #pamperyourselffriday. I certainly don't mean to treat yourself to a meal. I mean pamper yourself a little! Don't lose who you are in your journey.

Here is how I pampered myself for the first Friday in April!!

I hope y'all are ready for this next week!

It's 7 days to stay on track, 1 day at a time you got this!!

Did I hit or miss March Goals??

1.) Lose 7 pounds

2.) Run 5 miles every week

3.) Run a 5K without stopping

4.) Track every day

5.) NO Easter Candy

#1-I weighed myself on Wednesday to see where I was for the week and I had lost 9.1 pounds so I'd say that HELLA successful!!!

#2- I did this for 3 of the weeks. Then I tore a muscle in my side and could barely breath to even run...So this is a negative! I did hit my 55 miles for the Month!!!

#3- I did successfully run a 5k. It was slow but, ya girl did it!!

#4- I tracked every day at least something. A few days I knew how many points I had left and didn't track what I ate but stayed within my points so this is a maybe, maybe not?

#5- I didn't eat any Easter Candy until today on some Kodiak Cake! It really wasn't as amazing as I was hoping it to be...Bummer!!

Along with my goals, I lost a total of 9 inches from my whole body! The only place that gained 1 inch each was my arms and I'm happy with that. Muscle out weighs fat so I'm okay with it!!

Now lets chit chat about my April Goals!!

1.) Lose 7 pounds

2.) Team NO cheat meals

3.) Workout 5-6 days a week

4.) Drink my 160oz of water daily

5.) Weigh-in on Sunday only

So recently I discovered that my scale and I have a super unhealthy relationship. Until Wednesday I had not weighed myself since 3/14. I was wanting to make it to Sunday to not weigh myself. But I also needed to weigh-in at my gym so at least it was at the gym! At first I had my husband hide the scale from me, no self control AT ALL. Then he conveniently forget to rehide it after he weighed himself on Sunday then left for Chicago so it was just chilling in the bathroom. I didn't touch it and still haven't! So I'd say my at home scale fast has been a WIN!

I don't really have an issue drinking all my water, at least I don't think so. Weekends though, I don't know if its because we go do stuff and I don't bring extra water but I tend to forget.

I joined #nocheatmealapril on Instagram. We will see how this goes! I'm talking about just going crazy and not counting kind of cheat meal. When I told Eric he looked at me like I had 10 heads and say no way will we go a month without eating out. I do pretty good eating out, LOTS of grilled chicken so I can enjoy my favorite side! I don't feel like that's a cheat meal. I'm talking like going HAM on some Pizza and Candy. Or walking my ass into the OG (Olive Garden) and eating myself into a bread stick COMA! It happens to the best of us!!

And of course to stay on track with weigh-in in at 199.0ish by a wedding that I'm a bridesmaid in November I need to lose at least 6-7 pounds a month. (It's actually 6.25) Once I get to like 205ish I'm not weighing myself until the day of the wedding just because I don't want to hit 199 and be like HOLY SHIT BALLS I DID IT, only in turn to go crazy and gain weight back and be pissed at myself. If I don't hit 199 by the wedding I really just want to weigh it by my 28th birthday on 11/24 & considering my family has a ton of HUGE changes coming later this summer it will be interesting!! But you know my motto, MOMMAS GOT GOALS, Y'all!!

Did you hit or miss your goals? If you missed what are you doing differently this month to make sure you kick their ass?? If you hit, did you set higher goals this month or just hoping to hit the same next month?

Whatever you journey is, remember the only competition you have is being better than the person you were yesterday! You do you girl, I do me, we are all in this together 1 pound at a time!!!

**Disclaimer, if you see typos Eric's at work(no proofreader!), my kids are watching Ninja Turtle and I have spare time!!**

What motivates you?

This post slightly ties into my last post about your "oh holy shit moment." I'm sure everyone often tries to understand what motivates them. Why did they eat chicken 10849292 meals in a row? Why did they go to the gym a million times? Why do they work out so hard? Why do they count calories, points, macros, etc? What keeps them going?

I'm going to clue you in on a secret of what keep my ass going!!

My favorite cousin, Miss Megan is getting married. I know I've talked about this before! She's getting married in November of this year. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I'm so incredibly honored she would want me by her side when she marries her best friend! When she asked me I wasn't even thinking about losing the weight. Then when I thought about all the beautiful pictures I'll be in for the rest of my life it was instant motivation! I'll be hanging on walls, I'll be in family albums, my kids will show their kids & Megan's kids will do the same. I just can't be the overweight one in those pictures. When I set out to lose the weight, I knew I wanted to weigh right about 199 by the time she gets married, that means I would need to lose 79.5 pounds in a little over 10 months. I'm only 5'8-9"ish I'm not super tall but I feel like 199 won't look horrible and will be an okay weight for my body. (Between you and I, I hope I look fine as FUCK. It'll be the first family wedding my husband will be at. Got to make him want that shit!!)

Lets talk about my daily motivation though. My husband is a United State Marine and has been for the past 11 years. I'm so incredibly proud of be his wife, I hear the national anthem and I tear up, I watch sappy homecoming videos and I cry like a baby, that's how proud I am to be by his side. If you know 1 thing about the Marine Corps, its that they expect their Marines to be in tip top shape and wear their uniform with so much pride. He does those exact things and is the most handsome man in that uniform I've ever seen. (I'm biased, I know!!) Then you see me by his side...and well you get where I'm going right? How can he be proud of me or want to be holding my hand? I know I think the worse (we will cover that topic another day)! I know he loves me, he loves every curve, every inch of me for me. But I'm self conscious and that's what I think when I see tons of itty bitty mommas with their Marines at balls, events, etc. I was always the fat one in every group, picture (you name it I was the fat friend)! I got no shame in my game and really I never even gave it a second thought until recently! He's my every day motivation!

See those two beautiful babies with him and I? They are why I breath, why I wake up, why I do things I hate doing, why I eat so much chicken! (I'm a Kansan y'all, I love me some beef!) They are why I go to the gym 5-6 days a week. They are why I push myself harder than I ever have. They are why after 13 weeks I'm still pushing my ass harder than I ever have! I want to grow old holding their babies, I want to watch my son marry his best friend, I want to see my daughter look like a princess when she marries someone she loves more than life itself. I want to be there with my kids when they have their babies. How can I expect this body in the state it was in to carry me that long? How can I expect my body to give me that long when all I've done thus far is treat it like complete shit? I can't, so they are motivation! I want to show them how to be healthy, I want to be an example for them. I want to go to the park and run with them, I want to chase them, I don't want to be the one on the sideline all the time!

Lastly and most importantly is myself. I'm my own motivation. I look at myself now and know this isn't the body I want, this isn't the life I want to live. I don't want diabetes or heart disease by the time I'm 40. I deserve better, I am better. This year I'm giving myself the best gift I ever could. I'm giving myself the gift of getting my ass healthy and losing this weight! No one is going to do it for me. I have to for once in my adult life put myself before Eric, Kaity, or Gavin. For once I mean more to myself than those three. If I don't put myself before them for once, I won't be here for them in the long run, and what kind of mom or wife would that make me?

So what motivates you??

My holy shit, come to jesus moment!

I often hear of people talking about that moment in their life that they were like this is it. I never thought I would ever have that moment. Look I've done weight watchers like 5-6 times before. One year I paid for an entire YEAR of weight watchers and only used it for maybe like 3 months. Yah, that sooo happened! It was right after I had Kaity and was cleared to workout again. My husband took those dreaded "before" pictures. I know the drill. I know how my brain works. I know that after about 4-6 weeks of doing this the scale will be up and down, it'll never be consistent. I'll never get the 100+ pounds off I need too. I never ever before this time had a real AHH HAAA moment.

I watch tons of you tubers and their fitness journeys. One post said unless you have that realization within yourself, the timing just isn't perfect and more than likely you will fail. I didn't even realize that I had, had my ahh hhaa moment this go around until I heard him say that. Now I firmly believe that shit. Full heartedly. If you haven't had your "come to Jesus" moment, it's probably not going to last. You wont be full committed, sure you'll track your points, you'll drink your water, you'll lose one week, and then gain the next. I was the same way every time before this one. I always dreamed of being thinner like my cousins.

So I have a sister (Courtney), a sister in law (Holly), my mom (Laura/Momma Marcotte), my wonderful auntie (Nic), and two cousins (Megan & Shelby). I grew up super close for most of my childhood to Megan and Shelby. I of course am like 6 years older than Shelby who turned 21 this past December. Almost every summer for the past like 4-5 years I'd either go to my Aunt Nics and stay with them for a week or Megan would come stay with us for a week. I love these two as if they were my own sisters. All of them, every single one of the 6 of them are all much thinner than me.(Girls, I mean this in a nice way, not a bitchy way!) They are all so incredibly beautiful. Seriously!! I may or may not be a tad bit envious that they are all so beautiful and thin and just ahh why can't I have that? Well, now I know I can. I just need to work my ass off to get that way!

So that brings me to my holy shit moment!!

Shelby recently got married to an amazing guy Mr.Nick (that's what Kaity calls him). The wedding was in December, of course I went the awful long tip of a whole 8 hours home to be there. Like you really thought I'd miss that good ol' time? Hell no! It was a beautiful wedding, she was one of the most beautiful brides I've ever seen. If you've been around a "serious" situation in my family we are all so FUCKING emotional. I bawled, she walked in with her step dad and dad and ahh girl looked on fucking fleek...(Did I use fleek right?)...

Of course every wedding has a reception and dance. My sister, Courtney wanted to take a picture with my mom, aunt Nic, myself and her.

This is the picture that changed my life forever!

L-R (Me, my momma, my auntie, my sister)

You see when I saw this picture that night, I was forever changed. It was my holy shit, Brittanie what the hell has happened moment. Before then I had no moment, I had no idea why every time before I was trying to lose the weight. I had never before this day 12/17 been like if I don't change now in a few years how much worse is it going to get? It has taken me 8 years to go from probably 160-278.5 what I more than likely weighed in this picture. It 100% disgust me. This picture is the one picture I wish I could erase from the internet and never see, but then again in a few months when Megan gets married I know I won't look like that anymore and I can finally be proud as FUCK of myself. It took me YEARSSS to gain 100+ pounds so even if it takes me a few more years to lose it I know this time, I'm in for the long haul. This time there is no yo-yoing this time.

I'm a firm believer that if you want your cake on a diet, girl eat that shit! If you don't you're going to binge, binging leads to other bad shit, other bad shit leads to the scale going up, the scale going up leads us to not believing in ourselves and leads up to giving up. This time unlike every other time, everything in moderation. I want pizza? I'm eating it. I want cake? I'm eating it too. I want them both in the same day? I'm doing it, just good bye weeklies and hello strict ass for the next week! My holy shit, come to Jesus moment has taught me a lot this time around. Like FUCK the scale, it only tells me a number, sometimes that number is a bitch!

In a few weeks I'm actually getting ready to go home for a couple weeks with both my babes. It's a little over a month away and I've already slightly started panicking. This time around though EVERYONE and their dog knows I'm doing weight watchers and that I'm kicking some MAJOR booty! So that's a plus, however the closest Walmart to my moms house is like 45 minutes away and while my mom does have gym equipment at her house there is no "YMCA". So that has me nervous, they do have a rec center in my parents town but I believe it is kind of pricey to go there just every day and if I'm home for 2+ weeks paying $10 a day doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

L-R (Megan, Shelby, Aunt Nic, Momma Marcotte, Courtney, Myself) Holly lives in Hawaii, booo!

So what was you Ahh haaa moment? Did you have one? Do you think you need one to really make this work? Whatever it is I hope it's helped to push your ass harder and harder every single day of your journey! I hope your killing your goals!!

Happy Saturday, Y'all!!

29 is the new well...

29!!

This hunka, hunka, burning love turned 29 this week! Yesterday as a matter of fact. Do you know what he told me on Tuesday night as we were getting ready to go to bed? He says, "Tomorrow, I'm turning 29 for the first time." Uhh what? No my friend next year you're going to be DIRTY THIRTY and this momma is celebrating that she is with an older man!! He's so cute, he doesn't even act like 29, if you know (REALLY KNOW) Eric you know what a kind sweet hearted terrific family man he is! Y'all he has let me choose to either work or not work for the past 8 years. He never once has complained about a single fricken' thing. He truly works his ass off day in and day out. He's the perfect daddy, if there is such a thing. He is perfect example! He's so so so incredibly amazing. Just simply amazing!

In all aspects of his life he never lets anything get him down. Nothing at all, things rarely bug him. He is rarely ever mad, pissed, or angry. He most often has a happy face on, he is a total sports nerd! If it has to do with Kansas City Chiefs or the K-State Wildcats, he'll be the first to correct you! He's a coffee loving, little cutie pie! I really, really hit the jack pot with this one! I don't want to say all but, some of his family isn't very fond of me and not once has he ever let them come between us. He always sticks up for me. When we were trying to get pregnant with Kaitlynn and it was taking us FOR FREAKIN' EVER, he didn't complain (not one single time) over any of the test he had to do. Just to make me happy and try to fulfil my dreams of wanting to be a momma. I'm not sure how I got so lucky when god placed him in my life, but boy am I forever in a million and one years so grateful for that day 8 years and 1 day ago!

So Eric and I met on his 21st birthday. Like in real life met. We had talked on the phone and skyped while he was deployed to Iraq. This was like the real first time meeting! He had only been home from Iraq for a few days. Him and his best friend Brian were going bowling in Topeka where I happened to go to college. He asked if I wanted to go so I went. We've seriously spent EVER SINGLE NIGHT since that day together. (Minus training for the military kinds of goodness) He was in Topeka doing his post deployment stuff because at the time he was just a reservist. He was supposed to go back to Manhattan where he attended school at K-State to go back to school, but we ended up deciding to move in with each other! Best choice like EVER!!! A few months later on June 30th we were married in a tiny court house with his friend Sam and some random guy as our witnesses! It was PERFECT, honestly perfect!

Since his Birthday happened to land on a Wednesday he of course had to work! But he wanted to go to Samurai which is a Japanese Steak House were they cook on the hibachi grills in front of you. We love those places!! The rice is like CRACK, seriously for me its crack. I have no idea what they do to it, but I want to eat an entire 5 gallon bucket of it. I don't eat cooked veggies so I always get double rice and double white sauce. He is on a low-carb kick so he got double veggies and stole a few bites of rice from the kids and I! Kaity slept through the entire outing. Like Seriously child? Gavin loved the fire but didn't want to even touch his food. **eye roll** We got daddy two new superhero shirts, pretty bad ass ones too and we got him a superhero coffee mug. He's obsessed with his morning cup of coffee. We got him a superhero small cake so we could all take a tiny bite and we wouldn't have tons of leftovers of cake! It was perfect, we got home he watched a movie about none other than football and we went to bed! I'd say as a daddy and husband he celebrated his 29th in STYLE!!!

Eric is the one who reads every blog before I post it, so Happy 29th Birthday Boo Bear! Here is to the next 60+ being right by your side for every single one, I love you so much!!